This Funny English!

This Funny English!

(Collected from various sources on internet and other articles)

We will begin with a box & the plural is boxes

But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.

The, one fowl is a goose, but two are called geese.

But; the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a whole set mice;

But the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always men;

Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?

If a speak of a foot and you show me your feet;

And if I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth & a whole set teeth;

Why should not the plural of booth be called beeth?

Than one may be that and three may be those,

Yet hat in the plural would never be hose;

And the plural of cat is cats and not cose

We speak of a brother and also of brethren;

But though we say mother we never say methern.

Then, the masculine pronouns are he, his and him

But imagine the feminine-she, shis, and shim.

This Funny English! 

Call a woman a kitten, but she is never a cat;

You can call her a mouse, cannot call her a rat;

Call a woman a chicken, but never a hen!

Or you surly will never be her caller again.

You can call her a duck, but never a goose;

You can call her a dear but never a moose;

You can call her a lamb, but never a sheep;

Economics she likes but never call her cheap.

You can say she’s a vision, cannot say she’s s sight;

And no woman is skinny, she is slender & slight;

If she should burn you up, say she sets you afire

And you will always be welcome, you tricky old liar.

EQUIVOQUES

A passage which according to the way   it is read,

can have two or more meanings  is called EQUIVOQUE

The Pessimist

That man must lead a happy life

Who is free from matrimonial chains;

Who is directed by a wife

Is sure to suffer for his pains.

The Optimist

That man must lead a happy life

Who is directed by a wife;

Who is free from matrimonial chains

Is sure to suffer for his pains.

The Pessimist

Adam could find no solid peace

When eve was given for a mate;

Un till he saw a woman’s face

Adam was in happy state.

The Optimist

Adam could find no solid peace

Un till he saw a woman’s face;

When eve was given for a mate

Adam was in happy state.

The Pessimist

Confusion takes the man I say,

Who changes from his singleness;

Who will not yield to a woman’s sway

Is sure of earthly blessedness.

The Optimist

Confusion takes the man I say,

Who will not yield to a woman’s sway;

Who changes from his singleness,

Is sure of earthly blessedness.

So English, I fancy you all agree,

Is the funniest language you ever did see.