‘Project Smart
English’
Say it Right
USE
HUMOR
TO INCREASE
YOUR VOCABULARY
We can use context-clues to
understand meaning of a word in a sentence. Try to understand meaning of the
paragraph and meaning of highlighted words keeping in mind the intended meaning
of the paragraph. Compare your answers with answers your friends.
A WIFE’S DUTY!
A woman accompanied
her husband to the doctor’s office. After his check up, the
doctor called the wife into his office alone. He told her, “Your husband is suffering
from very severe disease, combined with horrible stress.
If you do not do the following, your husband will surly die. Each
morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant & make sure
that he is in good mood. For lunch, make him a nutritious
meal. For dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him.
Do not burden him with
chores, as he probably had a hard day. Do not discuss your
problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. In
addition, most importantly love him & satisfy his every whim.
If you can do this for next ten
months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health
completely.”
On the way home the husband asked
his wife, “What did the doctor say?”
She replied, “You are going to die!”
A TALKING FROG!
An old gentle man was playing a
round of golf, suddenly his ball sliced & landed in a
shallow pond.
As he was attempting
to retrieve the ball, he discovered a frog.
To his great surprise
frog started to speak! “Kiss me & I will change into a beautiful
princess & I will be yours for a week.” He picked the
frog, placed it in his pocket & continued to
play golf.
The frog repeated its message,
“Kiss me, & I will turn into a beautiful princess & I will be yours for
a whole month.” The man continued to play golf.
The frog spoke once again, “Kiss me & I will turn into a beautiful
princess, & I will be yours for whole year!”
Finally, the old man turned to the frog & exclaimed,
“At my age, I’d rather have a talking frog.”
A BIG DECISION!
A six- year- old
walked up to his father one day & announced, “Daddy, I’d like
to get married.”
His father replied
hesitantly, “Sure, son, do you have any one special in mind?”
“Yes.” The boy
answered. “I want to marry grandma.”
“Now, wait a minute”, said the
father, “you don’t think I will let you marry my mother.”
“Why not?” The boy said. “You married mine.”
SUPERMARKET ENCOUNTER!
A young man was walking through a
supermarket to pick up a few things, when he noticed
an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her & continued. Finally, he went to the checkout
line, but she got in front of him.
“Pardon me;” she said “I am sorry if
my staring at you has made you uncomfortable. You look just
like my son who died recently.” “I am very sorry,” said the young man
“Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Yes” she said, “As I am leaving, can you say
Good-bye mother? It will make me feel better.”
“Sure” answered the young man.
As
the old lady as leaving, the young man called out, “Good bye mother.”
As he stepped up to
the checkout counter, he saw that his total was Rs.2500/- .
“How can that be?” He asked, “I only purchased
only a few things”.
“Your mother said that you would pay for her”, said the clerk.
GRAY HAIRS!
One day; a little girl was sitting
& watching he mother doing the dishes at the kitchen sink.
She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair, which
were sticking out as contrast to her brunette hair.
She looked at her mother inquisitively
asked, “Why are some of your hair white, Mom?”
Her mother replied, “Every time you
do something wrong & make me cry or unhappy, one of my hair turns
white.”
The little girl thought for this revelation
for a little while & than asked,
“Mom, How come all of grandma’s hairs are white?”
Improve Your Memory!
Two elderly couples
were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, “Fred,
how as the memory clinic you went to last month?”
“Outstanding,” Fred replied. “They taught
us all the latest psychological techniques – visualization,
association- it has made a big difference for me.”
“That’s great! What was the name of
that clinic?”
Fred went blank. He
thought & thought but could not remember. Then a smile broke
across his face & he asked, “What do you call that flower with a long stem
& thorns?” “You mean
a rose?”
”Yes, that’s it!” Then he turned to his wife & said, “Rose,
what was the name of that clinic?”
THE LAST TICKET!
During a busy holiday weekend, a
woman who was eight months pregnant went to the railway station
to return home to her husband. At the reservation counter, when her turn came,
there was only one ticket left.
Taking pity on an old lady
standing behind her in the line, she offered her berth to the old
lady.
Then,
she sent a telegram to her husband.
Her husband received following telegram
“Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave
birth to an old lady.
Good Teacher!
One day, a teacher was attempting
to teach the names of animals to a class of 5- years- olds. She
held up a picture of dear & asked one boy, “Billy, what is the name of this
animal?”
Little Billy looked at the picture
with a disheartened look on his face & responded,
“I’m sorry Mrs. Smith, but I don’t know.”
Billy, “Well, Billy what does your
Mommy call your Daddy?”
Little Billy’s face suddenly brightened
up, but than a confused look came over his face, as he
asked, “Mrs. Smith, is that really a pig?”
A Science Lecture!
A famous scientist was on his way to
a lecture in yet another university. His chauffeur
offered him an idea.
“Hey, boss, I have heard your speech so many
times I bet I could deliver it & give you the
night off.”
“Sounds great,” the scientist said.
Therefore, when they got to the auditorium,
the scientist put on the chauffeur’s hat & settled in the
back row.
The chauffeur walked to the
lectern & delivered the speech. Afterward he asked if there were
any questions.
“Yes” said, one professor. Then he launched
into a highly technical question.
The chauffeur was panic
stricken for a moment but he very quickly recovered.
“That’s an easy one!” he said, “In fact it’s so easy, I’m going to
let my chauffeur answer it!”
A Business Loan!
A businessman walked into a bank
& asked for loan officer. He told the officer that he was
going out business for two weeks & needed to borrow Rs.
50000/-. The bank officer explained that the bank needed some kind of security
for such a loan
Therefore, the businessman handed over keys of
his Mercedes car parked in front of the bank. Since, everything was in
order, the bank agreed to accept car as collateral
security for the loan. A bank employee drove the car into the
bank’s garage & parked it there. Two weeks later, the
businessman returned, repaid the loan amount with interest which
came to Rs.500/-.
The loan officer said, “We are very
happy to have your business, & this transaction has worked
very nicely, but we are little puzzled. While you were away, we
checked you out & found out that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is why you would borrow Rs.50000/-?”
The businessman
replied“, Where else in this city can I park my car for two weeks for
Rs.500/-.”
We conduct workshop on ‘English Improvement’ and many other soft
skills improvement workshops for industries, educational institutes and
individuals.
We also offer a few programs like ‘Shine under Stress (Strategies
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call (91)8866680407 for further details.
By:
Sarwan Singh
@sarwan_singh
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